Hello and welcome to another edition of My First Time: Reviews by K-Pop Virgins!
We’ll be tapping our friends, boyfriends, and colleagues who have never seen, nor have any interest in K-pop, to write reviews and break-downs of our favorite music videos.
We can sometimes take our fandom way too seriously. This feature is meant to help remind us that part of what we love about K-pop is that it’s not for everyone, and it’s also completely ridiculous.
This edition was written by my boyfriend-in-law (my best friend’s boyfriend), Simon. He has a mind for nerdy things, but not necessarily Korean things. I sent him a few MV’s to choose from and he selected B2ST‘s “Breath”, which I must say was an excellent selection on his part. Read on to see what he had to say about it, and which member he’s convinced is actually Enrique Iglesias.
0:00 – The music video starts out with a very skinny hand that seems to be held down by an incredibly heavy metal ring. That might be a broken piano on the side, I’m not sure. Lookin’ good so far…
0:04 – Broken stage lights. I approve.
0:06 – A sleeping guy with a magnetic right shoulder appears. Are those thumb tacks?
0:08 – Magnet guy is sleeping near fire, surrounded by wood. I feel like this is not a good decision. Still no sign of music…
0:10 – Some chick in a red dress appears out of nowhere, casually walking through some debris and flames. I’m beginning to feel that this is a soap and not a music video.
0:20 –Out of nowhere red chick grabs some sort of gas mask covers magnet guy with it. Ok this isn’t a soap opera, this is Saw: K-pop edition.
0:27 – Twitchy twitchy. That chick is about to get slapped.
0:28 – Synchronized boy band interpretive breathing! It must be really cold near all those flames, hence the jackets. From now on when I breathe, I need to start directing it with my hand.
0:35 – The music finally starts half a minute through, I’m loving the ”beep boop” keyboard effects.
0:42 – I’m pretty sure the song starts out with “Let me talk about my…”, which by the way is probably the best way to start out any piece of music.
0:45 – Was that Enrique Iglesias?
0:48 – Yep. That was definitely Enrique Iglesias.
0:54 – Time to shed a metaphorical tear on this car.
0:58 – OH SNAP. A sick drop followed by some circular boy band dancing shenanigans? Yes please.
1:08 – It never hurts to go into slow motion when you are circle dancing with 5 other guys.
1:14 – Make room for the snappy dresser. Seriously, where did he get that green jacket? I want one.
1:28 – If Rihanna started a K-pop career, she would look like this guy.
1:29 – Time to break it down in the foggy forest! Credit to the Twilight Saga for letting these guys borrow their set.
1:30 – This has got to be the best dance move I’ve seen so far. They start swaying LIKE ACTUAL TREES.
1:44 – Time to throw down the chorus with a sweet hand swipe. This is fantastic.
1:55 – Did you see that jump? None of those freeze frame “everybody jumping” pictures can come even close to that.
2:05 – It kinda looks like these guys are trying to eat the air. If this music video doesn’t start a “breathe dancing” fest everywhere in the world, I have given up on humanity.
2:15 – Enrique’s voice drops like 5 times in octave here; It scared the crap out of me.
2:20 – Wag of the finger. Right back at ya.
2:32 – Some sort of spinning magician takes the lead while everyone points away? He’s gotta be using herbal essences for that beautiful mane.
2:40 – Just when I thought the sway dancing was done, its back! I love how herbal essences loves to switch between fur cuffs and Egyptian attire.
3:05 – “Breathe, breathe out”. I’m trying, I’m trying really hard to breathe.
3:10 – If you look at Enrique in this frame he is jamming out on his imaginary cell phone.
3:22 – At this point it sounds like the tiny dude with short hair is yelling “I DON’T KNOW.” I agree with you, tiny, I have no idea what’s going on.
3:29 – WHERE DID THAT ORCHESTRA COME FROM?!
3:31 – Bed head hair guy, who is clearly wearing a set of teeth as a necklace, starts to rap with some sand in his hand, while herbal essences goes shirtless Liu Kang style in the rain. My reaction to this? Linkin Park could learn a thing or two.
3:47 – The music stops! Apparently the chick with the red dress passed out halfway through the video. One of the band members fades out with the gas mask on the girl, now in the Twilight forest. This is a lesson for us all: don’t fall asleep in foggy forests, or a random guy covered in makeup will gas you.
Final Thoughts: This video was no doubt entertaining. I was hoping for a little more of that electric sounding beat that came in at 0:58, but I can make do with the naked spinning as well. The song itself wasn’t bad, with boy bands considered. With that said I couldn’t get enough of the ridiculous breathe dancing and selection of fantastic attire. I’ll certainly be learning some of those dance moves during my free time.